a noBody...

Its been quite a while (well almost a year) since I have come into here.Guess this is a place where I let out my feelings in words.Have done a lot of crazy things over these 1 year.knowing new friends, going to weddings, trying to win a girl's heart.Guess what really matter to me most is the last part..that someone that I like.

Few have told me that there will be no end.
Some encourage me to go on.
Other just tell me to take it naturally.
what it seems to me is hopeful, guess this is what they call it so near yet so far.

Coming to V day soon, I have invite her out on that special day in hoping she will agree.But...the answer is somehow the different from expectation.Felt so hurt when I get the answer from her.Nevertheless I continue to try until now...from another friend's mouth..she said no one has asked her out.

Devastating..
Now I had came to know I am a NOBODY to her.
Now I had known that my name is not even worth mentioning.
Now I came to know how much I meant to her in her heart.....
a NOBODY...

I would be happy for the whole day just to have dreamed of holding hands with you.But nevertheless, what myth has told is true; "what happens in dreams is the opposite of reality"...how very true....

why?why have I done to deserve such treatment from you?
Am I not good enough for you?
Am I too young for you?
Am I too boorish to you?
Am I too financially unstable to you?
Or am I just unworthy compared to you...

Maybe its time to brace up and face the reality.Or just time to wear and another mask to let the people around me not to worry..I would chose the latter as I think it would be better for the 2 of us..they say reality is harsh...oh,so how well very true..but who am I to face a reality?I am just a NOBODY....

Feeling : down..

tiRed!

Its been 3 consecutive days that I have worked until 2 am and left the office.This is getting wrong.Client's last minute changes...so many things do to...It making me seems incompetent.Damnz...let's just hope it ends soon.

School is starting again this weekend.its seems like it a fast break for me or rather i think I did not have much rest for this break becoz of the stupid project...

Its been a long time since I talked to her...she's always busy in office...maybe too busy to reply my sms or just dun be bothered to reply.Seriously I dunno...just hoping I can have the time to meet up or even talk with her....seriously I think I am in a low period of my life I guess..but like always...Its a brand new day ahead...so just be normal and handle whatever that is given I guess..

Another day~

yes its been another day.Work is as busy as last week.Ended the days at 1230am..my god..when is this gonna end?1 good thing about being so busy is that it does not give me time to think of her or spend time to think if I should call her.I dunno if my persistence has turned into some kind of nuisance to her..but I shall carry on with this "persistence" until i dunno when...let time tell...about time to sleep now...signing off...

Been a long long time now

It's been a long long time now...i think 1 year since i post something here...haha.Now i just wanna have somewhere to write my stuff and let out my feelings.

Its been a long time since I have this feeling.A kind of possessive and doubting feeling.I doubt I will make a good boyfriend with this kind of feeling lingering around the girl I like.Is it due to insecurity that I have this feeling?Is it because I dun have any love exp before?Thats why I am having this feeling?Or is it just a childish way of thinking on my perception on what love is?

Recently its been a on off feeling.I try not to read too much about it.But it seems the more I control,the more disappointed I have become.So what should I really do...I mean it's that she is not my gf now.But I wanna know every movement of what she is doing...am I going way off possessive?or it's a sense of insecurity I have?

I do not even know how is she feeling towards me?Taking me as a normal friend?Or someone that can be somebody that is more than friends?I am just a idiot when it comes to love.They say persistence is the key to success.But is my persistence being more a nuisance than what it should be?

I really hope someone can come and give me specific advice.Seriously I am lost now although I dun seem to be when I dun show it out....anyway another advice given to me is be yourself...which I find very hard to be especially in front of her...my god~!why can't I have a normal and easy girl that I can be with?!?!?

Wa...MIA for a beri long time liao..

Haha...it has been 4 months since i touch this blog.Wahaha...*cleaning off the spider web found*.Too long din blog already.As usual office hour,was very late today reach office about 1030.Boss is not very happy about this.But hey I am also unhappy about you assigning me work that is way off my job scope.But what can I do?Haiz...sadz...Just past Chinese New Year,this year it seems a "come and go" event.Din really enjoy the process of it.Sadz..haha...recently people has been asking me to get a GF,which i dunno if i should.haiz...lazy la...haha...

It has been a long time.

Its been a long time since i touch this blog.Hee...as usual i post this blog during office hours.Damn..hate these stupid games.Have to take so many things into consideration.But still tis my job and my choice to come into this line.I guess I have to wait for a period i can change job again.Hmmz...but until den i shall update about my life.Hee..

28th Oct - Halloween Night!
This is the first time i have ever been to a halloween!Another "first time" given out.Guess what did i dress up as?Here's a hint "The best way to stay alive is to stay awake". Hee shall let u know at the end of the blog.Didn't know that it's so happening down at zouk.With so many people dressing up for the event.There's a lot of character such as the chinese bride,emperor,witches,the most common is angels wheather it's fallen or angelic.If u dress up u might have a chance to gain a free entry to zouk, that is if u pass the inspection of the "gatekeeper" which i think its abit misleading.Coz in the advertising they din put that there will be a inspection of costume before allowing a free entry pass.I mean people spend money on the costume and in the end still having paid for the entry fees is it fair?Even people with makeup,they should give people credit for putting on the makeup.Well i got in free given that i passed the test.But to say the truth i dun really like the music played that night but it was fun scaring people with my costumes..haha..

7th Oct
Its my Birthday!!This year i had chalet and bbq night.Wa..din know if u invite different group of friends you have to run around and entertain them.That itself is so tiring.ha..but it was fun and enjoying..ha..I lost my first kiss that night.Another "first time" gone.Now i know it's fun to have daring and sporting girls around.We play "heart attack" and the winner gets to pick the punishment and the one that is being hit by the winner will have to accept the punishment set by the winner...and needless to guess.I chose kissing haha...and I hit one of my friend.haha...woohoo...another birthday present.Heehee...

In summary the month of Oct is very happening with me going to new places and clubs.Like devils bar, wala wala, music underground etc...Drank alot of alcohol...haha..ate new stuffs..do things i never done before.And talking about devil's bar.I think i am starting to like that place.The live band is good and the bar top dancers are hot..haha..and the venue is big.Unlike wala wala where the place is small..and cramp.So i recomment people to go there too if u want to go for a drink and enjoy people dancing.Until next chapter of my new exciting life...soo long...this is mr contraband signing out!Oh yah nearly forgotten to upload my costume...here it is :

Freddy Kruger

I m back!

Ladies and gentleman...i am back...haha...now is working hours so I am using my working time to blog again.Heehee..its been a long time since I blog..time fly past so fast, its already 1 month since then.Wassup recently is rushing for my project dateline and partying and lastly not forgetting gaming!

Work is in a mess..now still sorting out the last details of the project and finalizing the stuffs.But after cracking my brain for 1 week i have doen the main part and what is left now is just some add-ons.Relaxing as i do that...haha.

Partying..hmmz...recently went drinking with my ex-colleagues and know his group friends and some girls (ladies i would..heehee no offence!)..woohoo ^^ . Well no harm knowing more friends i suppose..haha..well i guess after knowing them my life is in colors again. There is something going on..keep thinking of a girl i know recently..is it becoz of curiousity or is it becoz of..... well i mean her character is very outgoing,very friendly, is it becoz of this i m getting the wrong idea and having the wrong tots? Very confused now...dunno what to do..haiz..need some advice..

Recently gaming is becoming boring..is it i found a new activity to do?I dunno..i mean now i have picked up bowling which i am doing every friday so i dunno i can consider this as a hobby?haha..well i hope i dun waste the money i spend on gaming...haha..